My Story

The Crash

A Story of finding Truth and Value in Life

As natural as it seems as unnatural it is. Leaving the house, getting into a car and driving to any set destination, without fear of death, without just one thought wasted on potential dangers. To me this once was the same.

My crash took place on an empty road, slamming my car and myself down a hill. I landed in a spot where an old unused railroad lies, top down facing forwards. The rails directly hit and broke my face, which protected the rest of my head. This is why I survived. I can’t remember anything of the accident if you’re wondering; the cause has never been clarified.

Waking up in hospital 5 weeks later, feeling as if somebody would constantly hammer into my face, surrounded by life supporting lines, cables, monitors and noises of machines, unable to speak, unable to move, in need for assistance in every task, no matter how simple it seemed. That is an indescribable feeling, even more so at an age of 20 years.

In my time in hospital I’ve had three cardiac arrests. From those subconscious experiences I feel like I know first hand where we’re going after life. We’re all heading to the same place, where it does not matter if you have money, a house, a car, a reputation or anything that we regard as “important” in life. The space is free of everything that we tend to know, appreciate and strive for. In this place, the only thing that counts is if you’re happy with your life, if you’ve been a good human, if you’ve used your resources to do good. In that place you’ll have to be one with yourself. There’s nothing else involved. If you’ve been good it’ll be good.

The life you’re given back is not even closely similar to how you known. It is a second chance that you’re given, a second life with a sign of caution, that there might not be a way to survive the next time. There is no one to blame for this, it’s just how nature is.

For that matter I want to mention the unforgiving part about having an accident: What people around you do to you. Constantly being haunted by looks, people running into walls and pillars just to keep staring at you with a disgusted expression, everywhere you go. The feeling of rejection without having done anything to cause it. Even people you knew as friends before – as if there was a switch flicked in their heads – don’t relate to you any more.

Finding Value

With the loss of one eye, you’re being told that the brain capacity shifts to the hearing. That to me is both true and false. Your hearing gets a slight bump up in appreciation but you don’t hear differently. All frequencies and sounds are the same. The body just compensates for the missing eye by making audio signals seem more important than before. With that I found a new gate into music, an entrance to recognize the stories being told within this art, the stories that are only told in the best of qualities, available to everybody that wants to listen.

Being told by numerous people, fully independent of each other, that my task was not fulfilled yet. I’ve come to believe that we all have gifts in ourselves, that we can use to do something good together. To make the world a better place. With less hate, egoism, envy and materialism. For me this gift is my musical ability.

For me right now this means fulfilling my task by being a musician. This is the part that did not leave me after everything that happened. I interpret that my music didn’t leave but has been even more appreciated as a sign, to keep me going, to use my power to create good, in music. I am well aware of the price that it will cost. But this is the price that I’m willing to pay, to fulfill what I can bring to the world. Also you should never forget that a big part of music is the fun in making it. And of course the part of being able to leave the world in any second that might come when death doesn’t just pass by but decides to take you.

This is what has come to me over the time that I had to think. We’re all here for a reason, even if many reject these thoughts. I’ve certainly not survived such a huge intervention into my life without a deeper meaning. I still need to deliver something to this world and I’ve not done so already. That to me is the reason for my survival, it is well more than enough drive to keep going in music.

What is so special about music that I keep relating to? It’s actually pretty hard to capture the power of music in words. I would describe it as every piece of music having a unique moment. And that moment tells a story. But this story is not a story as we know it – it is told in the language music, a language everybody understands, no matter where you’ve come from, how your financial standpoint is, if you’re well educated or not or even how you’ve been raised. Music is universal. To and for everybody who is open minded enough to listen to it.

Therefor music is the only thing on planet earth that is flawless, perfect in every aspect. It unites us as one, expresses what can’t be expressed in words.

I want to conclude with the words that I can’t express, a deeper meaning, that words can’t capture. So I’ll conclude with a song. Listen carefully and everything I described will explain itself. If you decide that you like it, please don’t steal/rip it or listen to it on Spotify. This Song deserves the attention of being bought in WAV or AIFF in one of the listed stores.

Thank you for reading and listening. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.